Do You Know How Rare It Is to Successfully Move On?

Ghosted, Blocked, but Definitely Not Forgotten!

Napoleon's Farewell to Josephine - Laslett John Pott R.B.A., ca. 1891 Credits

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This story is just one juicy part of a bigger picture. Read the intro here to get all the tea!

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“Do you know how incredibly rare it is to successfully move on?”

No one actually tells you the excruciating details of healing, but I will. They say you never forget your first love, but I just might have dementia. I might have forgotten your face and how you used to make me feel, but I have not forgotten what you made me.

Before you take all the credit, you broke me first, and yet you weren’t Tate McRae - whom I started listening to when we were dating. I went through the five stages of grief for a love I now see was never meant to be mine. For a long time, I could not believe that we were done.

When I did, I was mad at you because you had relations with another guy while we were on a break like Ross and Rachel. I was upset when I reread our chats and started realizing the cracks that had begun forming.

All I asked was your patience for a few weeks because I was to travel to Nairobi but you weren’t patient. I tried renegotiating when we had a brief fling after your transgression but that did not work. Every time I looked at your IG page, a piece of me would die whenever you’d post a new picture of yourself.

I told myself that my time to shine would come, and it has started showing up on the horizon. By the way, I am into anime at the moment and to make my point home, like Kaiju No. 8, I am at 39% unleashed “attractive” power.

I would stalk your IG and Twitter for months and tea would taste like mwarubaini a little more every single time I saw your pictures. My grief for you was the biggest indication that love, indeed, existed between us.

If I knew how excruciating my depression would have been, I would have accepted my fate earlier. I accepted that what we had was young and immature love after poring through our photos and emails. I resigned knowing that you were never mine to begin with and I was just to experience you.

I still know a lot of information about you that I don’t know what to do with. What can I do with your elation whenever you talked about Spongebob? Or how you’d cut yourself weeks after we had officially broken up? What am I to do with the memory of Kelechi Africana singing to you that horrific night?

For the record, I’ve been to Juja more times than I can count after I knew you — once was so lit I slept in Ruiru! So, my question is, why the fuck weren’t you patient? Because I am. However, I have to give you your props for being part of making me who I am today.

Remember how I used to cringe in front of a camera and never took pictures? I am sure you’ve seen more of my pictures in the last thirty days than you’ve thought of whoever that guy was. I’ve made amazing friends, and despite you, I wouldn’t have thought twice if our paths hadn’t crossed. I am more outgoing and more exploratory that you can say I am a new person.

We can’t appreciate the present without acknowledging the past. So, I am giving you your props for letting me know what I don’t want in a relationship. Thank you because it is through you that I know how to love Nyx better. And a final thank you because I have to hand it to you because if you weren’t who you were, I would have never become a loverboy.

I reiterate. “Do you know how incredibly rare it is to successfully move on?” I hope you have moved on and found love just like I have. I wonder, after you read this, will I be the one to linger in your thoughts? Because I can assure you that you will never be within five hundred meters of me for the rest of your life.

Giving absolutely zero fucks,

Me.

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If things hadn’t taken a turn for the worse, I’d probably be somewhere vibing to Wakadinali’s Maproso, because: Mapumziko yetu yangekuweko Mombatha

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About the Author

Chacha Lesley writes when happy, sad, introspective, and when his salary has been delayed, which gives him ample time to observe the universe without the lens of a bank with a lot of money. He is on Instagram as @whowoulda.thought and tweets on X as @Thothincarnate. He runs a blog called Coffee With Lee, check it out if you'd like to read more of his amazing stories.

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Up next: My Last Act of Love—a poetic farewell, where love takes its final bow.