Ghosted, Blocked, but Definitely Not Forgotten!

Introduction!

Mar 07, 2025

**Just make sure when you stalk your ex’s page tonight, you don’t accidentally like a 2017 photo. Heal responsibly.**

Dedicated to the ones who got played, betrayed, and replaced. May your ex’s new lover moan someone else’s name, may their WiFi forever be slow, and worse may it stay connected but with no internet.

Shhhh!

If you are reading this, I trust you are old enough to have broken something: a law, a glass, or your virginity! And if you are a man, listen closely because the bar is being set higher for you from this moment: I hope you are man enough to have gone down on someone’s daughter.

Mmmh! Wait, not the bushy slippery altar that ye men of clean bodies but dirty thoughts are imagining! I’m talking about going down on one knee, opening that ka tiny square box, flashing a smile, and saying those life-changing words: “Will you marry me?”

I hope you’ve been in the game long enough to have been told those four dreaded words: “We need to talk.” The only statement that has the power to make your head spin as you scramble to figure out, what did I do wrong this time round?

If you haven’t experienced anything I’ve been talking about so far, I suggest you leave this site right now. The content here is strictly for those who have loved and lost someone- not to death, but to other circumstances. You know, the products of the infamous “Mtaachana tu” prophecy.

When "The One" becomes The Villain

What do you do when the wo(man) you used to do bad things with suddenly decides to do bad things to you? The one you thought was the one ends up breaking your heart and the only excuse they can muster is, “It’s not you, it’s me.” The same person you were so crazy in love with, calling each other baby all day to an extent that your favourite song was: “Baby shark doooo dooo dooo dooo” - now has you singing, Bien’s “Inauma inauma lakini nitazoea.”

Laugh, cry, or stalk—we all heal differently

Some may choose to drink their pain away, cry themselves to sleep, or even hold a joint meeting( I am on a roll. Hehe) with the crew smoking blunts. But for the majority of us, we take the easy path of ghosting, blocking, and deleting their contacts. Yet, do we really move on? Do we forget them?

If you are a lady, you might find yourself stalking their socials, seeing them with a ‘new catch,’ and it makes you feel like that car in driving school-the one people use before they get their own. Don’t go confirming this, but it is common knowledge: no one goes to driving school with their own cars. (What you use that information for is entirely up to you)

If you are a guy, you might scroll through her socials, only to laugh out loud to see the “kinyangarika” that she left you for.

You can block them, but can you block the flashbacks?

You may lose her, him, they/them- but one thing you never lose are the memories you made. Those linger in your mind stubbornly, hanging around like the scent of a Somali Woman’s perfume after she is gone.

The slow backstrokes he used to give you, the way he’d pin you against the wall, navigating every curve and contour of your body like a seasoned geographer. Do we forget all thaaat? Probably not. No doubt you will be on top of a lady, and she moans “Peter,” and you are “Kevoh.” Attachment issues? Absolutely. Kamisi na baika uliwacha na nusanga ndio nilale.

When love withers and your relationship becomes weaker than Van der Waals forces (that’s a chemistry joke), the most honorable thing to do is to let go. When it is dead, it’s dead. You can’t keep pretending to be making love after divorce.

What happened between you and your ex? Attacks from neighboring communities? Lack of enough capital? Me? I can only say nice things were never built to last. But if I’m being honest, it all went downhill when she told me, “Babe, I miss you,” and I replied, “Hiyo ni poa.” The next thing I knew, there was no DP. She left accusing me of not being romantic enough.

But honestly, I think she just didn’t appreciate my sixth sense: my sense of humour. Imagine one time she told me, “I am crazy about you,” and I responded, “It looks like we’ll be doing our wedding at Mathari Mental Hospital.” Imagine alikach and she wasn’t from Kakamega!

And that’s why …

This masterpiece will paint a vivid image of the raw, messy, and nasty things that often unfold in relationships, and the heartbreak that follows when it all falls apart. Moving on after a breakup is no easy feat. Saa zingine ni ngumu. Pain, it seems, is the ultimate price we pay for love leading us to a bittersweet conclusion that love is a beautiful thing. Yes. Yes. But only in Holy hood.

Here, the concept of love is analogous to our 2010 constitution, it works better in theory than in real life. You’ll find 9 raw, unfiltered stories, and for the first time ever, a poetic piece that’s guaranteed to remind you of that one ex.

But let’s face it- relationships, especially those in Nairobi, are fragile, and most aren’t built to last. Why? Because too often, they are built on lust... and nyash. (Mostly nyash.)

I don’t know what happened between you and your ex, but one thing we can all agree is that our exes did a slightly better job to us than what the Kenya Kwanza government is doing to our economy.

I could have hit you with the classic “I need 2k urgently,” but I’d hate for our relationship to start feeling like that toxic ex of yours. So, I’ve got a different favour to ask instead: help me share this piece with a friend who’ll share it with another friend. Let’s spread some happiness together.

And if you swore that you moved on, yet somehow, you are here reading this. Don’t worry, I won’t judge—just make sure when you stalk your ex’s page tonight, you don’t accidentally like a 2017 photo. Heal responsibly.

And with that, let the game of lovers begin: Ghosted, Blocked, but definitely not forgotten!