Habari zenu! Habari zenu tena😂🤗. Well, with a mere 72-hour - countdown to the culmination of the 365 days and the grand entrance of 2024, my mind is a whirlwind of memories from the 2023 expedition. My tongue has a wild collection of words it can't shake off. From kaveve kazoze to maandamano, kitawaramba, zakayo, Shaka holla, na nilikuwa nime wa warn, mambo ni matatu, shusha nyavu, feilyaa and the list continues. As you ponder on that, Elon Musk decided to play with Twitter settings and removed the blue tick from 'legacy' verified Twitter accounts and later changed it to X . King Charles gracing Kenya, Hamas pulling a surprising attack on Israel, Gashagua claiming that there are Tigers in Kenya, Barbie, you name it. 2023 was a mixed bag. Oh, and Mwalimu wa maths might need some extra lessons in Geography cause apparently he missed the coordinates to hapa ni wapi. Words on the street is that he told some of you that you wouldn't go far. well, joke on him!
Ladies and gentlemen, buckle up for a rollercoaster ride down memory lane, relieving the laughter, surprises, and shenanigans that made 2023 a wild and wonderful ride, not just in Kenya but the whole world. Here's a flashback of the good, the bad, and the ugly moments that morphed and shaped 2023.
HEADLINES
1. Anti-government protests 🪧
First and foremost, let's shift our focus to the 10-letter word that we thought would be the answer to our problems as a country: maandamano. The country stood at the edge of the cliff following running battles and general mayhem in Nairobi and other parts of the country. The impeccable tear gas cologne was felt, property dismantled, business owners counted losses, people nursed injuries and it's heartbreaking that innocent lives were lost following police brutality during these anti-government protests. They not only hurled tear gas canisters but also fired live ammunition at the mwananchi who was exercising his constitutional rights. Wait, is this what's called corporal punishment?😂 because of the demon-strations🤷🏾♀️. The demonstrations were geared towards lowering the brutalizing cost of living occasioned by the Finance Act of 2023 and opening the servers. Who got the keys to these coveted IEBC servers? 😂
2. Into the Northland's...
Amid the maandamano, some goons decided to invade former commander-in-chief, Uhuru Kenyatta's Northland's property, stole livestock, and burnt down some parts of the land. Was this politically instigated? Especially following the National Assembly Majority leader, Kimani Ichungwa's insightful comments.
3. Shakahola horror
Ironically, as some were protesting for the reduction in the cost of living, some were starving themselves to death. Kuinama at its best. It's shocking that needless deaths happened in the name of religion manufactured in the twisted mind of the 'man of God': Paul Mackenzie with a cruel Irony of the church name, Good News International Church. Call it salvation through starvation
4. The Costly cost of living
Kenya Kwanza can be crowned as the greatest sales agent of all time. They sold us the dream, we willingly bought it in anticipation of "the promised land", little did we know that they were Pharaohs and they had no interest whatsoever in taking us to the land of milk and honey. They delivered completely different from what they had promised us. Empty promises at its best. As a proud son of mama mboga and watu wa Boda boda... I am in tears as I put this down.
#Fuel prices in Kenya reached a historic high crossing the sh 200 mark.
Kenyans took to X to question Ruto's promises on lowering the the cost of living. Kenyans lashed out at the Kenya Kwanza administration accusing the president of backpedaling on its pre-election promises. During the campaigns, President William Ruto promised Kenyans that he would ensure that the cost of living comes down by lowering the cost of fuel. But this year has seen an astronomical spike in fuel prices and the Kenyan shilling getting weaker against the dollar. Was it all hot airs Mr. President 😂.
5. World coin
World conned? Wild coin? Sema kupewa za macho. The allure of 7k proved irresistible, and now, it seems, there's a story waiting to be unraveled. Let us wait and see what will happen to our iris.
6. Story za Jaba
D.p Gachagua left Kenyans and the world at large shocked after he said tigers are found in the country. He was on an official trip to Columbia and invited business leaders to invest in Kenya and also experience rare species of world life such as tigers.
7. Africa Climate Summit
Over 30, 000 leaders and investors from Africa and beyond including 36 heads of state gathered in the Heart of Kenya's Green City under the sun, to explore actionable strategies for Africa's transition to Green energy at the Africa Climate Summit. President Ruto captured the attention of the nation arriving at KICC behind the wheels of a vibrant yellow mini-electric car. Leaders from the Azimio camp saw this as hypocrisy. Come to think of it, fuel guzzlers which emit huge amounts of carbon dioxide were ferrying heads of state to and fro KICC and choppeers were hovering over. Ledama Olekina didn't take this lightly and he went to X to hilariously say that the real climate summit should be held in a desert. Was the climate summit a hoax?
8. National Tree Planting Holiday
On November 13th, our nation took a significant step in the fight against climate change by hosting our inaugural national tree-planting holiday, with an ambitious goal of planting 100 million trees. This initiative aligns with our broader climate change strategy aiming to plant a whopping 15 billion trees by 2032. However, social media is buzzing with rumors that people opted to plant ‘special types of trees’:miti
9. Mambo ni matatu
These remarks made by the first in command, coupled with a stern warning to sugar cartels, caused a stir and raised an eyebrow or two. His words signaled a no-nonsense stance on tackling the issue. The rule of 3( mambo ni matatu): Get ready to be deported, jailed, or go to heaven. He later patented this catchphrase.
10. The Royal visit
Contrary to popular belief, King Charles III didn't set foot on Kenyan soil; instead, he glided over the red carpet from the airport to Nairobi National Park, maintaining a unique royal touch without touching the ground. A peculiar chapter in the royal visit, that amused many Kenyans. Kenyans Slamed Tourism Ministry For Rolling Out The Red Carpet For King Charles At Nairobi National Park.
In a strongly-worded speech at a state banquet held in his honor by Kenyan President William Ruto, the 74-year-old royal told guests that “the wrongdoings of the past are a cause of the greatest sorrow and the deepest regret.”
11. Kenya's "Fake Lawyer"
Brian Mwenda, dubbed the "fake lawyer," made headlines. He faced accusations of impersonating an advocate and practicing law without qualifications. Despite lacking formal training, local media reported that he had won dozens of lawsuits. A curious twist reminding us that, your dreams are valid.
12. Nationwide power blackouts
The nationwide power blackouts have been a head-scratcher. Rumor has it someone's been having a little too much fun with the national grid switches. But losing power at JKIA—the pride of Africa? Now, that's a punchline worth a chuckle! It was an electrifying drama😂.
13. That guy is a beast!!!
James Stephen Donaldson, an American YouTuber popularly known as Mr. Beast took a daring challenge to build 100 wells in Africa and a shocking 52 wells in Kenya. This attracted praise and criticism in equal measure.
14. Hamas provoked Israel's wrath
Hamas launched a major air and ground attack on Israel from Gaza, killing over 1000 people and taking hundreds of hostages. In the words of DJ Afro, walifanya one very big mishtake. This prompted Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to declare "We are at war". Israel retaliated and war raged on. Just take time to familiarise yourself with what's happening. But the billion-dollar question is ?! How can the nation with the highest intelligence in the world get court with their pants down? Was it a surprising attack?
15. Elon Musk finds the value of X
Since kindergarten we've been grappling to find the value of X, little did we know it was Twitter. Twitter officially becomes X Corp.Transitioning from KOT to KOX poses a linguistic challenge, and it'll take time before the shift sinks into our mouths and tongues. The evolving landscape of social media brings a new Xperience for all.
16. Go f*** yourself
Elon Musk slammed advertisers for pulling back from X after he endorsed an antisemitic post. Musk's response to the advertisers was a blunt and zero-chills three-letter word: "go f- yourself."😂😂
17. Spotlight on India
I am not referring to their overly exaggerated Bollywood movies. I am referring to:
#1 India surpasses China to become the world's most populous nation
According to the United Nations data on April 20, India became the most populous country in the world, surpassing China. Its population is estimated to be 1.43 billion people.
#2 India's Chandrayaan-3 becomes the first to land on the Moon's South Pole
The Indian Space Research Organisation’s (ISRO) third lunar mission, the Chandrayaan-3 spacecraft, successfully landed on the South Pole of the Moon, a remarkable feat no country has ever achieved.
#3 Live assassination
The shocking assassination of Indian Atiq Ahmed, a former lawmaker with a criminal record, and his brother Ashraf, unfolded live on TV in Prayagraj, Uttar Pradesh. This happened despite being under police guard.
18. Mother nature's impacts were felt
Mother Nature dazzled us all. It was quite a show. Cyclones, Earthquakes, and extremely heavy floods were experienced in major parts of the world. Thousands of people were displaced after tropical cyclone Tej triggered severe flooding in southeastern Yemen. In Kenya, raging floods from El Nuno caused untold suffering to people. Turkey and Syria were struck by a catastrophic 7.8 magnitude earthquake that killed 59,259 people. Cyclone Freddy makes landfall for a second time in central Mozambique, Madagascar, and Malawi, killing about 200 people and setting records as the longest-lasting cyclone in the southern hemisphere
19. Finland joined NATO
Finland officially joined NATO, becoming the 31st member of the security alliance.
20. SpaceX’s Starship rocket exploded four minutes into its first full-flight test
SpaceX’s Starship rocket - the most powerful ever made with 33 booster engines, launches in a historic first test flight from Boca Chica, Texas. Explodes four minutes into flight with blame centering on Elon Musk's rush to launch on 420
21. OceanGate’s Titan submersible imploded during an expedition to the wreck of the Titanic.
The ocean exploration community faced a devastating blow as OceanGate's Titan submersible imploded during a Titanic wreck expedition. Tragically, all contact was lost just over an hour after its descent. All five of the expedition’s participants, including Oceangate CEO Paul-Henri Nargeolet, perished.
22. Taylor Swift was crowned Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Taylor Swift shatters norms as she becomes Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. The famed pop singer and cultural icon was the first ever to win the prestigious award based on success in the arts. The award has traditionally been given to men, particularly those in traditional positions of power.
SHOWBIZ INDUSTRY
The global showbiz industry set the stage on fire with a sizzling mix of trendy music, blockbuster movies, and headline-worthy shenanigans that captivated audiences around the world. 2023 was a year filled with infectious beats, dazzling performances, and memorable moments that added an extra dose of sparkle to the entertainment scene.
1. Khaligraph Jones stirred up the scene by igniting a heated beef between Kenyan and Tanzanian rappers. In a bold statement during an interview, the OG proclaimed that Tanzanian rappers don't know how to rap, asserting himself as the best in East Africa and claiming he could demolish them all within 24 hours. The rap battlegrounds across borders heated up with his bold challenge. #Respect the OGs.
Later in the year, Tanzanian gospel artist Christina Shusho took center stage in Kenya. Her music trended, and phrases like "Bwana mkubwa" and "shusha nyavu" were on the lips of many,
2. Rihanna mesmerizes the audience, leaving them in awe with a breathtaking performance at the Super Bowl half-time show. This was her first live performance in six years, and she reignited the stage, proving once again why she's a force to be reckoned with.
3. Taylor Swift this year was vibrating on a whole different frequency. Her 2023 concert in Seattle wasn’t just a performance; it was a seismic event. The sheer energy from her show triggered seismic activity, registering an equivalent of a 2.3 magnitude earthquake. She dominated the digital airwaves and was crowned Spotify's most-streamed global artist of the year with a staggering 26.1 billion streams. Meanwhile, Miley Cyrus bloomed in success, her song "Flowers" took the lead as the platform's most-streamed song
4. The 65th Grammy Awards unfolded with a symphony of triumphs. Harry Styles claimed Best Album with "Harry’s House," Lizzo seized Best Record for "About Damn Time," and Bonnie Raitt's "Just Like That" scored Best Song. Meanwhile, Beyoncé etched history, securing her 32nd Grammy, breaking records, and leaving an indelible mark on the music world
5.Canadian rapper Tory Lanez was sentenced to 10 years in prison for shooting and wounding the Savage hitmaker, Megan Thee Stallion in the foot several times during an argument
6.Barbie and Oppenheimer
Peer pressure is real guys. After saying no for a couple of days, I succumbed to peer pressure and indulged in the cinematic buzz surrounding Barbie and Oppenheimer. The online debate drew crowds to cinemas for a back-to-back viewing, creating a unique five-hour marathon fondly dubbed "Barbenheimer." The world was painted pink for a moment.
7. Alusa Why Are You Topless?
Bien, the maestro of smooth melodies and one-fourth of Sauti Sol, dropped a jaw-dropping album titled "Alusa Why Are You Topless? You should listen to this album.
Water by Tyla will forever remain memorable this year.
IN THE WORLD OF SPORTS
The sports industry didn't shy away from the spotlight, it was a blend of drama, jaw-dropping figures, and record-breaking feats that kept fans on the edge of their seats.
1. The Kenya Open Chess Championship in Nairobi witnessed an unusual twist when a sneaky man dressed as a woman managed to cheat his way through to the female section of the tournament. The cunning impostor, who kept his true identity a secret by wearing a niqab remained silent and elusive during the tournament. He managed to deceive tournament staff until his cover was blown after defeating former national champion Gloria Jumba and Ugandan top player Ampaira Shakira. The unexpected victories raised suspicions leading to his exposure.
The chessboard escapade was just the opening gambit. Here's another hilarious drama:
2. Hats off to Moroccan professional footballer, Achraf Hakimi
In case you are not in the know allow me to bring you up to speed. Hiba Abouk, the wife of the 24-year-old Achraf Hakimi who plays for PSG, filed for divorce but to her surprise and to the surprise of many netizens Achraf owned nothing despite earning millions as he had registered his entire fortune in his mother's name. This was a smart move, wasn't it? Netizens officially crowned him as the CEO of the men's conference as he had used modern solutions to solve modern problems. . Gentlemen take notes.
That aside, let's shift the spotlight to the two greatest footballers: The GOATS 🐐
3. Cristiano Ronaldo makes football history
Cristiano Ronaldo made headlines by signing with Saudi Arabian club Al Nassr for what's touted as the "biggest salary ever in football." This surprising move followed his public criticism of Manchester United.
4. Messi beats Haaland to win the coveted Ballon d'Or for the eighth time
Inter Miami CF star Lionel Messi has clinched an unprecedented eighth Ballon d'Or, surpassing the competition from Manchester City striker Erling Haaland. This historic achievement follows Messi's pivotal role in leading Argentina to victory in the World Cup last year, solidifying his status as one of the greatest footballers of all time.
Lastly,
5. Faith Kipyegon, the double world record holder, makes history as the first Kenyan to clinch the Women's World Athlete of the Year for track events. Her impeccable performance throughout the 2023 season cements her status as a trailblazer in the world of athletics.
In a solemn moment, Kenya experienced a collective pause as news of the passing of the former Education Cabinet Secretary, George Magoha, spread. A thick cloud of sorrow engulfed the nation as we mourned a figure whose contributions to education left an indelible mark. May his legacy endure in the hearts of those he served.
This marks the end of my 2023 wrap. As you reflect on your unforgettable moments, may the coming years be filled with even more joy, growth, and cherished memories. Live fully, love wholeheartedly, and let the adventure continue. Cheers to more moments and discoveries in the chapters yet to unfold! Share your unforgettable moments in the comment section below.
Remember, to live is to love, and to love is to live. So:
Live and let live.
Adiós
Very captivating and educative ... 👍🏽
I have learnt a lot in just 10 minutes ... Good work ~D.A~
Super interesting ....to see what Kenya has been up to the past 11 months!! Thanks D.A