Shit happens...just don’t forget to flash!
I’ve been holding this shit for long- it’s about time pia mimi niongee initoke. My favorite go-to coffee shop got it right the first time with a sign in one of their “shitty corners” that read: “shit happens...just don’t forget to flash.” Well, here I am, taking a metaphorical dump. A dump about the year that’s gone by: and trust me, I’ll remember to flash, making sure I drive this shitty year down the drain where it belongs.
For me, in my quest for peace of mind, I am leaving all the 2024 memories behind. My advice? Do the same, and don’t forget to flush. Though, let’s be honest, some memories like the messy breakup between Ruto and Gachagua, don’t go down on the first flash. You know those stubborn ones, the kind that cling to the bowl no matter how hard you try? Yeah, those.
I must also confess that some words and phrases like: Murima,kunyamba, pepo chafu ya upingamizi, Shif, Sha, kugongewa,kasongo, chorea chorea, kusalimiwa, demure, misheveve, and sarat will forever remain etched on my cute Kwhwiserian lips. But as you all know: maandishi haya sio mageni jijini... labda kwa mgeni jijini. Ila kwa wenyeji wa jiji... ni maandishi tulioyazoea.
So, join me in this special edition as we rewind and relive the highlights that shaped this unforgettable year. Like climate change, these are hot topics to ponder upon. Or, as the modern-day philosopher, Stevo Simple Boy puts it: nikumoto manze! Let’s dive in.
+254 Edition!
1. And the People SHALL Underline the Word SHALL: Mandatory!
I’ve got a question for the men in the building: What would you do if your girlfriend promised to ‘give you’ – you know what I mean, and when the time arrives, she hits you with, “aki babe, si leo. Nimechoka.” Or, the classic one: you send fare, only for her to text (not even call) with a “Aki babe, something came up. Siwezi make.” What is your next move? Because, let’s be real- when you’re with the boys, you’re always chest-thumbing, you know “Atuhitishi ruhusa kuguza.” But now, here you are.
As you ponder your next move, let me shift the spotlight to the general public with a more sinister question: What do you do when your government, the one that promised change during campaigns, is now changing the promise instead? The answer is simple. One word fits them all: MAANDAMANO!
Welcome to the year of strikes and demonstrations. A year where everyone had something to say or shout about. From lectures, teachers, doctors, and nurses, to the firebrand liberators of our time: Generation Z.
Let’s talk about Gen Z: the leaderless, the fearless, and the tribeless. You see, it didn’t matter whether you were a have, or a have-not, the controversial Finance Bill of 2024 united everyone in defiance. Uber riders, KFC diners, iPhone owners (wale wa macho tatu), us who don specs (wa macho nne), mama mboga, and watu wa boda boda. This was a movement like no other.
The hashtags #Reject and #Occupy dominated both the streets and the internet, echoing the collective outrage of a generation. History was unfolding before our eyes; how could you not be part of it? Even the infamous Anonymous joined us in the movement proving that when it comes to the fight for justice, we know no boundaries.
As Martin Luther King Jr. profoundly wrote in his letter from the Birmingham Jail:
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”
This year reminded us that solidarity isn’t optional-it’s essential. Or, as we all sang “Sitasimama maovu yakitawala” Together, we stood as a testament to those words, refusing to let injustice prevail.
2. Tuko Parliament Guys, Tap Tap and Send Gifts
I tell you there’s never a dull moment in Kenya. Those words echoed live on TikTok on the 25th of June 2024, from the heart of Parliament grounds. This was at the height of the Gen Z-led protests when the unfathomable happened: Parliament was breached. This came after the legislators passed the finance bill, with 196 MPs (or, M-pigs, as we affectionately call them) voting YES and 105 voting NO.
In the chaos that followed, demonstrators vandalized and ate inside Parliament. Yes, you heard that right-eating at the “high table”. And who could forget the iconic declaration “Mr. Speaker Sir... I am here to address you!”
In the streets it was chaotic, shops were vandalized and looted as demonstrators left a trail of destruction. I tell you there is a reason why the word demonstrations begin with “demon”. Unfortunately, it cost some people an arm and a leg- literally. The police responded with excessive force. Is that what we call corporal punishment?
Even the snipers made an appearance. It’s believed after they made their shot, they probably sang “shot...shot... to the head.” A bad joke, right? It felt like a scene straight out of a movie. All this was a stark reminder that our main enemies as free citizens are the politicians, the police, and the president.
3. Zakayo Alishuka
The maandamano was like Uranium-235 which initiated a series of unstoppable chain reactions across the country. From that moment on, things would never be the same. First, the government contended with the Gen-Z’s claims of being fearless and tribeless. But when it came to the movement being leaderless? That was a tough pill to swallow.
In their desperation to uncover the masterminds and sponsors behind the protests, abductions became disturbingly common, as the authorities resorted to extreme measures to quell the uprising. What was once a peaceful demand for justice turned into a frightening game of cat and mouse.
When Gilbert Masengeli was summoned to show up and give an explanation about these mysterious disappearances, he was like Chorea Chorea, skipping - was it 6 or 7 summons in a row?
Finally, after weeks of defending the finance bill, the President caved in. He conceded and decided to scrap the bill. There was no difference between him and Pharoh, refusing to listen until the very end. It was a good move too late. Innocent lives could have been spared if he had listened sooner. Amidst all this upheaval, new leaders emerged. Names like Morara and Kasmwel suddenly became familiar.
4. Anadhani yeye ni nani?
Once every few decades, a country is truly transformed. There comes one person who brings tremendous change. This, however, is not one of those stories. You see, I grew up, thinking all Indians were called Patel. But this year, I learned of a new name: Adani. Rumors began swirling that the government wanted to lease JKIA, a national asset, to him. And, true to form, we took to the streets once again, this time under the rallying cry #OccupyJKIA. But from the look of things, it seemed like it was already a done deal until it wasn’t.
5. Wacha Aongee imtoke
After months of accusations, counter-accusations, and relentless defense of the Indian Conglomerate Adani group, the saga took a turn. While delivering his State of the Nation address to a joint sitting of parliament, the president announced the cancellation of all engagements with the Adani group, both in the aviation and energy sectors. The decision came after explosive revelations abroad exposed Adani as a fraud.
It later got even more personal during the ground breaking ceremony for Devki Iron Project in Taita Taveta county. The president didn’t hold back his frustrations with Kenyans. He rhetorically asked, “What gain do you get when you stop the building of an airport in your country?” before adding, “Wale wanapinga airport hata hawajawai kukanyaga kwa airport sikumoja”
What logic is that? That's when you know it had gotten personal. It took me back to the days of “mchongoano” battles, where someone would be losing a verbal war and, out of nowhere, they’d pull out something low blow like: “Unaongea na kwenyu hadi hamna TV”
6. The D is Constant!
I know you are accustomed to K being a constant. Yes, K for Kugongewa. But let me introduce you to a special on: D. For “Dust”. You see, when the history of Kenya is written, one of the juiciest chapters will undoubtedly be about the messy breakup between Ruto and his Deputy.
Not only did they go separate ways, but they also aired their dirty linen in public for everyone to see. Was it a marriage of convenience that was always bound to come tumbling down? Or was it history repeating itself?
Another political bromance turned bitter rivalry? Remember the grand fallout between Ruto and Uhuru? Whatever the case, the fallout was the gift that kept on giving for spectators, with drama, accusations, and counter-accusations.
Never in my wildest imagination did I think Gachagua would be spending the 2024 Christmas as a commoner? What a year it’s been for that ‘honest men’ from Murima! His journey has been nothing short of an uphill battle (did you catch that?)
First, he was removed from a WhatsApp group. I can only imagine that he was just chilling, minding his many businesses, and then, boom, he saw that ka notification:
“You can’t send messeges to this group because you are no longer a participant.” Ouch. But that was just the appetizer. What followed was even more brutal; a full-blown plot to kick him out of the party.
A motion for his impeachment was brought to the National Assembly by Kibwezi East Mp, Mutuse. And let me tell you maina, the syllabus was moving very fast. The ayes had it, and just like that, the first blow landed.
Then came the final nail in the coffin. That was a real punch to the gut. A crushing blow to his already crumbling spirits. His desperate bid to save his seat at the Senate, after putting on quite a spirited fight with the help of his lawyers was dashed off as he made history as the first DP under the new constitution to be impeached: not while seated in office, but while lying in a hospital bed. Talk about going from the mountain to the trenches in record time!
7. Woiyee Kababa
I mean think about it. Bunge inafanya hesabu ya minus na Gachagua. They handed him misheveve instead of sarat or even omena! And as if that wasn’t enough, the whole country was given an impromptu public holiday to mark the occasion- an ironic celebration of one man losing his job while thusands of unemployed Kenyans watched someone else, Kithure Kindiki ascending to the coveted position as the Second-in-command.
You mean to tell me that Gachagua crawled his way to the top of the food chain only to eat vegetables? Murima iliguzwa. I can almost hear the collective rage of the Murima people. Only time will tell how all this drama will ripple into Ruto’s 2027 presidential bid. Will he weather the storm, or will he join the ranks of one-term presidents, like Joe Biden?
And now as a nation, we find ourselves collectively scractching our head, wondering, how will we get to the promised land? You know, the mythical land of milk and honey. Why? Because the very man entrusted with milk is no longer in the picture. Let’s not forget, Gachagua held the sacred responsibility of kahawa, majani chai and Maziwa. Sio kuzuri!
8. Jack of all trades
When life has forced you into becoming a real hustler in Kenya, you not only become a jack of all trades, but you also pretend to be a master of them all. And I tell you H. E. put on quite the show. Literally. Let’s call it: The Hustler’s Show. He rolled out a series of town halls where he engaged Kenyans on key issues. Some say it was his way of keeping his ear to the ground (or was it a PR stunt?).
It all kicked off in Mombasa. During all the meetings, he picked individuals from the audience and answered their questions. But here is the kicker: no matter how tough the questions or how frustrated the people were, he always had the perfect response. You know, the holy trinity of his government promises: tumetenga, tumewekeza, tutafanya. Uliza ujibiwe. That was also witnessed when the Kenyans engaged him on X space.
9. Ukipewa Perform
I am a raw-abiding citizen. The rawer, the better, or so I heard. Focus guys! I’m talking about my writing here. Let me keep it raw. Raw-hosafi. Straight-up, naked truth (hehe). And no, I’m not even fucking around this time.
Ukipewa, Perform. That’s the lesson that I am carrying into 2024. It doesn’t matter where or how, just deliver. Even you, after begging for months, ati “nipee ni chape chape,” don’t just fizzle out after a few seconds. Sio fiti by the way. Make sure ukipewa utawezana. Leave a lasting impression. Here are some classic examples of people who rose to the occasion versus those who flopped spectacularly. They had one job!
Elisha Ongoya: Mr. Mutuse you told me you are a lawyer. Let’s be lawyers now!
Finish him!
Elisha Ongoya knew he had one job. One assignment, and he executed it with finesse, leaving no stone unturned. Not only did he dismantle the motion mover in body and spirits, but he also humiliated him on live broadcast. Ouch!
On the flip side, Mutuse gave a performance reminiscent of Makoha in Vioja Mahakamani, fumbling helplessly. He found himself in dire straits at the senate, unable to keep up with the barrage of questions hurled at him by Gachagua legal team. Ongoya was relentless, giving him no breathing space. “Yes, or no?” became a refrain, cutting off every attempt at evasion.
Elisha Ongoya in Senate: Creditts The cherry on top? Ongoya boldly told him: “it may be getting hotter, but look at the documents, compose yourself, and read.” Imagine a “learned friend” is being told that in front of everyone?
Naenda Homabay
A pastor from Homa Bay, Rafael Obego, had the president and the audience in stitches with his comical prayers, seasoned with complex English words like, brouhaha, behooved, and joand. His delivery was so entertaining that laughter rippled through the crowd. But here is the kicker-he wasn’t even prepared. He had stepped in last minute to fill in for someone else. Enyewe luos have English ingrained in their DNA.
Gen Zii
Hearts off to the firebrand liberators. They paid the ultimate price for their beliefs, leaving behind legacies stitched into the fabrics of 2024’s chaotic scene. Neither police brutality not abductions could deter them. They gave everything. Sweat, blood and tears in their fight against the controversial Finance Bill.
And thanks to their relentless efforts, President Ruto caved in... or, as the naughty- zens put it: Zakayo alishuka!
The 3 Musketeers
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity,to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment would you capture it, or just let it slip?
The three major media musketeers-Joe Ageyo, Linus Kaikai, and Erick Latiff didn’t just capture the moment; they owned it. In a live TV interview, they did a commendable job holding President Ruto accountable. They asked pointed questions about his promises and scrutinized his handling of the protests, leaving no room for evasion.
The Kasongo Silhouettes
I know them, you know them, and even your neighbor next door knows them too. They are deceptively simple yet devastatingly effective nuggets of humour and critique. Even if you managed to track down and arrest (not abduct) the meme creator, what charge could you possibly bring against them in a court of law?
The Cabinet Secretaries
The cabinet was disbanded, sparing only the former Deputy President and the Super CS. A few people lost their jobs and others were reshuffled. Some moves though seemed almost satirical. As Steven Letoo put it:
“Simba wa Garissa mjini Aden Bare Duale naye ameelekezwa kwenye misitu”.Imagine that, being shifted from the powerful interior docket to forestry. But honestly, that Cabinet was a joke. Remember the then CS for education, Ezekiel Machogu, issuing a press release at 1 a.m., suspending the re-opening of schools. Na Nyakati... ni za usiku usiku!
10. Return to Sender
Every generation, country, or kingdom has that one person whom everyone believes is the one. The chosen one. The one who comes once in a lifetime turns things around and brings change. The Israelites had Moses and David. There was Joseph, who stood out among his brothers. Kenya wasn’t spared either: It got its savior, its messiah. We all thought he was the one who would help us offload the burden. Little did we know, he turned out to be the biblical tax collector, the one who thought he could tax the nation into prosperity.
Now, the same clergy, who once cleared a path for him, embracing him with open arms and giving him a pulpit to spread the bottom-up gospel, are slowly losing faith in him. The congregants have started calling him “nabii wa uongo”. Some clergy men have even gone as far as saying this government’s agenda is no different from the devil’s. “It has stolen, it has killed, and it has destroyed the economy.”
We shall know them by their fruits, and the clergy are now coming to terms with the fact that they made a deal with the devil. They want nothing to do with him anymore- including the money. Archbishop Philip Anyolo made it clear when he stated that
“the donations made to Soweto Catholic Church on Sunday 17th November 2024, are in violation of the catholic church directive and the law”.
He ordered that the 2.8 M donation, which came from Johnson Sakaja(200, 0000) and Ruto(2.6 M), be returned to the respective donors.
Jackson Ole Sapit, Archbishop of The Anglican Church of Kenya quickly followed suit, directing the Bungoma Bishop to Return Ruto’s 5 million donation.
11. An Erection Dysfunction!
“When I say Eldoret, mnasema City!”
“Hatuna mda tafadhali. Nataka tutuoe maoni.”
On 17th August 2024, Eldoret officially joined the league of the Big Boys when the President chattered it to City Status. With this came immense pressure to showcase its true heritage and live up to its mantra: “the land of champions.” Naturally, the spotlight turned to its legendary athletes.
But in true to Kenyan fashion, what followed was nothing short of a circus. Instead of grand tributes, some questionable statues were erected, becoming the butt of jokes. They were giving that classic case of I know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone cheaper
“Ati umesema kutengeneza statue ya Faith Kipyegon ni mita moja? Mimi najua mwenye anaweza tengeneza na 2k” ... And the result was quite a show. They were giving Scare crow vibes. That’s the price you pay in a dysfunctional sytem-where excellence is promised, but mediocrity gets delivered.
12. Strike Until You Strike a Deal
Wait... what’s that smell? Can you feel it? Ah, damn! That’s the stench of tear gas. It seems 2024 was the year that the government nearly broke a bank to keep up with the procurement of teargas canisters. Welcome to the year of strikes and demonstrations. A year where everyone had something to say or at least... shout about. From lecturers, doctors, teachers, nurses, and offcourse the firebrand liberators of our time: Gen Z.
13. Return to Work Formula?
To call off the strikes, everyone was clamouring for a “Return-to-Work Formula!”. Wait, did you know there’s a formula for returning to work? Because I didn’t. I mean, I’ve heard of Pythagoras, chemical formulas, and countless others, but return to work? Nada. I must’ve been sent home for fees when it was being covered.
But honestly, can we stop singing the same old tune,
“Solidarity forever for the union makes us strong”
every time there’s a pay rise demand? Let’s be more creative! Look at the Gen Z’s they had Anguka Nayo and it worked like a charm. Do a remix or compose another song. Maybe it’s time to drop a remix or compose a fresh anthem. Something catchy enough to make the government listen.
14. The pain of rain, reigned
This year, Mother Nature put on quite a show as the country faced the full wrath of El Niño rains. It wreaked havoc. The floods brought everything to a standstill. As you dashed out to save your clothes from the rain... KPLC was quick to follow suit, cutting off power. “They couldn’t let stima inyeshewe” There was nothing express about the express way. The only thing that maybe... made sense was water making its way to where it belonged: WATER HOUSE.
The pain of the rain reigned over us. And I’ve come to two conclusions: one, swimming is an essential survival skill we all need and two it’s now official that every household should have a boat set aside for rainy days.
15. Maji Maji rebellion
As the rain water made its ways into our houses, another type of water made its way it our bodies: not in a “kukata Maji way” ... but in a slippery sought of manner: I am talking about OKRA WATER! I still don’t have the gist on how we evolved from traditional enhancer like mukhombero, njugu, ujipower and now okra water. Is it working?
16. Ndoto ya Amerika
If there’s one person who seems to have been doing some serious knocking on many doors this year, it’s His Excellency. He was officially welcomed to the White House by then-U.S. President Joe Biden. The visit was quite a big deal because it was the first state visit by a Kenyan leader in over two decades and the first by an African leader in 16 years.
Ruto even had a sit-down with Barack Obama in Washington, D.C. However, his scheduled meeting with Tyler Perry at his studio never happened, raising questions—kwani how busy is Tyler that he couldn’t spare a moment for our president?
The visit wasn’t without its share of controversy, either. Not because he brought along an entourage of more than 30 people, but because of how he chose to get there. His Excellency’s choice to use a luxurious royal jet from an Emirate company instead of the national carrier drew public scrutiny.
17. Let’s talk femicide!
Over the past few weeks, media outlets have been refreshing their feed, bombarding us with stories of femicide. And this takes me back to the dark alleys of my mind, to the start of the year where things took a dark turn almost immediately. Remember when Airbnb was on the lips of every Kenyan; not because of their stellar services but because some people decided to use those spaces not for pleasure but for pain and torture, transforming them into horrific scenes?
Remember Pastor Kanyari’s younger sister Scarlet Wahu was murdered by a perpetrator called John Matara Then... came even more disturbing cringe worthy news: RITA WAENI, a 3rd year student from JKUAT, was BRUTALLY stubbed, and DISMEMBERED, her remains found STUFFED in a paper bag. Then Kware killings and then the killings at Eastleigh?
In whose hands are our mothers, aunts, sisters and daughters safe?
18. Watu sio wajinga
After bodies were found dumped in Kware, Embakasi, the DCI swung into action with what must be one of the speediest investigations ever. In less than two days, they announced they had nabbed the perpetrator. But honestly, it felt too staged.
The so-called “evidence” didn’t help either- red panties, red Airtel lines. Like are we supposed to believe the perpetrator had a thing for victims wearing matching red? And as if that wasn’t absurd enough, the alleged perpetrator somehow managed to escape from the supposedly secure Gigiri Police Station. To this day, he remains at large.
19. Interpol: niko kadi!
Twenty-four members of the infamous “ni God manzee” crew have found themselves on Interpol’s list of the continent’s most notorious online fraudsters. Dubbed “operation Serengeti,” the investigation, which ran from September 2nd to October 31st, exposed their involvement in a massive online credit card scam. The crew allegedly altered banking system security protocols, managing to siphon off over 1.1 billion Ksh. That’s what the tech-savvy call carding. During their arrest, guess what Interpol told them? “niko kadi” (hehe)
20. We una hate na una soo kwa mshwari
The OG became the talk of the internet after unveiling his multimillion house. The mansion drew mixed reactions with critics quick to slam its sheer size, some even likening it to a mall due to its size. Unbotherd by the noise, the OG clapped back in true fashion with a post:
“I woke up to me trending because of my house. People are comparing it to a mall, and these are the problems I have always wanted.”
Staying true to his unapologetic demanor, just like he rapped in “Hao” alongside Masauti:
“Me ni gangster mki ni troll haiwasaidi.
Buda OG huwa zogo kuliko 5G”
#The OG shall Be Respected
21. Arbantone
The entertainment scene kept us on our toes with some truly wild tunes and ma style deadly deadly. Ku finish Kumalo, the groovy steps of Dance ya Kudonjo, Kudade, Anguka Nayo twende down low nayo, that was used as the anthem against Ruto and his administration, and not forgetting Kasongo that is now Ruto’s nickname. set it and my all-time favourite GOTHA TENA. All these tunes had everyone on their feet, turning moments into memories.
22. Lights Out
This year death robbed us some people whom we held dear. The tragic death of children from Hillside School Enda Rasha. The Kware Killings. Brian Chira, Rita Tinina, General Francis Ogolla, Njambi Koikai, and Kelvin Kiptum to mention but a few, AND NOT FORGETTING THE UNSUNG HEROS WHO FELL DURING THE TURMOIL OF THE FINACE BILL PROTESTS like Rex Masai. They paid the ultimate price for their beliefs, leaving behind legacies stitched into the fabric of 2024’s chaotic narrative. May their souls rest in peace.
Across the Borders!
1.“Bad Boy” ... Did he do all that?
Yes. He diddy-it!
The higher they rise, the harder they fall. In the Kenyan context, Diddy, P-Diddy, Puff Daddy, or whatever alias he goes by is the type of person your parents told you to avoid. Mmh... ule kijana mzazi alikuambia epuka.
This year, a can of worms was opened against the Bad Boy CEO, Sean “Diddy” Combs. The lawsuits filed against him revealed shocking allegations that are disturbing as they are unfathomable. Accusations ranged from rape, sex trafficking, and sexual assault (against both men and women).
One recurring theme in these lawsuits was Diddy’s infamous “freak-off” parties. While each case has its variations, testimonies paint a disturbing picture of a hedonistic, drug-induced gatherings featuring male and female sex workers adorned in masquerade masks. According to multiple accounts, Diddy allegedly spiked drinks with “Ecstasy” taking advantage of partygoers in their altered states. The accusations also include soliciting drugs and engaging in illicit sexual acts with minors and sex workers.
One person who suffered the most was his former girlfriend, Cassie, who endured a decade-long pattern of control and abuse. A leaked CCTV footage that made its way to CNN showed Diddy assaulting her in a hotel in 2016, providing irrefutable evidence of his abusive behavior. Now, his reputation as a mogul, producer, and artist has been completely obliterated, never to be revied. As for his current status? He’s behind bars.
2. Ebang’ Egonga-Guinea’s World Record!
Equatorial Guinea suddenly found itself in the spotlight, becoming the most talked-about country in Africa. Sure, we knew it existed, but let’s be honest- most of us couldn’t tell what they exported or imported. That all changed when one man took it upon himself to unite the African content and capture the world’s attention: Baltasar Ebang Engonga. Talk of Guinea’s World Record!
While Kenya was busy grappling with its finances, the head of the National Agency for Financial Investigation in Equatorial Guinea was quite literally ‘working’ at work. A staggering 400 leaked videos showed him having a good time with various women in various locations including his office. To make matters spicier, some of these women were reportedly wives and relatives of senior government officials. The man truly lived up to his name: Ali-gonga. Now, thanks to him, 400 has become the new standard for you and me.
But why record all that? Maybe he thought it was essential for performance review purposes. Honestly, he should indeed be the chief guest when it comes to 2025 men’s conference.
3. Art-i 6.2million?
Hear me out: I used to think the most expensive food in the world was cashew nuts...for obvious reasons (it starts with cash). That was until I saw an ordinary banana, duct-taped to a white wall sell at an art auction for a whooping $6.2 million. The final harmer price was $5.2 M, with the auction fees adding another $IM to the total. This banana arguably became the world’s most expensive fruit. That’s a joke, and it’s no wonder the art piece was titled “Comedian”.
Chinese collector Justin Sun went bananas, literally by making the bid. The brain behind this viral sensation was Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan, who debuted the duct-taped banana in 2019. But here is the kicker: you’re not actually buying the banana itself. Instead, you’re purchasing a certificate of authenticity that grants you the right to reproduce the banana and duct tape on a wall as an original artwork.
4. Welcome to my YouTube Channel-SIUUUbscribe!
That banana wasn’t the only thing that made headlines in 2024. CR7, the Al Nassr forward, smashed records not on the pitch, but on the internet with the launch of his YouTube channel. Simply titled UR, the channel became an instant sensation. He broke the world record by becoming the fastest channel ever to hit 1 million subscribers in just 90 minutes of its launch! By the six-hour mark, the subscriber count had skyrocketed to an astounding 6 million.
5. Drake Vs Kendrick Feud
There was a war. But here is the catch, it didn’t need guns or missiles. It only needed a pen. For obvious reasons: it’s mightier than a sword. This was a penmanship war, a battle of words between two of the greatest rappers of our time: Drake and Kendrick. It became one of the most intense, unforgettable, and most brutal beefs of our generation. Everyone was tuned in except the vegans (Damn! Did you catch that?).
They all went harder than a D, trading bars back-to-back like mgongo (hee,moto!today I’m writing bars). I don’t know whether you were Team Drake or Team Kendrick, but I was all in for Kendrick. His six-minute-long diatribe of the diss track, “Euphoria” was scathing. Man, it was pure fire. It’s safe to say he is a lyrical arsonist. The lyrics were so lit that someone even repurposed them into a video against Ruto and his administration during the maandamano.
6. Trump triumphed
His story is a classic of triumph against all odds. He survived not one but two assassination attempts-the first being a narrow escape, where a bullet scraped his ear, missing his skull by mere inches. But that’s not all, his journey was riddled with more than just danger. During the general elections, he spent six weeks in a New York City Courtroom, becoming the first former president to be convicted of a crime- a milestone that surprisingly did little to weaken his support. Against this turbulent backdrop, he went on to decisively smash Kamala Harris in the U.S. elections leaving the Democrats in limbo. By the year’s end, his resilience and impact earned him the prestigious title of Time’s Person of the Year.
We’ve had an incredible run this year, and it’s all thanks to you- the loyal reader who keeps coming back for my stories, and the generous soul who takes the time to share them. You are the true heartbeat of D.A-Got Thoughts.
Overall, 2024 has been a whirlwind of highs and lows, victories and losses, laughter and tears. But through it all, we remain hopeful that 2025 will be our year. Since I know you’re already planning your resolutions, I’ll leave this article below to help kickstart your journey.
As usual, live fully and love wholeheartedly. Remember to live is to love, and to love is to live. So:
Live and let live.
Adiós
Cover image Credits:
Art work by Podz and Miriam
As we step into 2025, this is my heartfelt prayer, drawn from Coldplay’s song We Pray:
I pray we make it, pray my friend will pull through
Pray as I take it unto others, I do
Praying on your love, we pray with every breath
Though I'm in the valley of the shadow of death
May this year bring hope, strength, and love to guide us all.
indeed a shitty year ,we drain all that and we dey commot to next year ,,mushkila brother🤜🤛
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥