LOVERS' EDITION💕

IT'S THE FEELING FOR ME AND YOU

My 8-4-4 curriculum never groomed me for a Love life. It was almost Taboo to talk about it, especially in primary school. From where I was schooled it was regarded as 'tabia mbaya' which translates to Bad manners.

But 'sisi wote ni watu wakubwa hapa' and it's February so let's talk about Love. Musicians have sung about it, and writers all over the world have written about it. I am no exception.

"I believe that love is a powerful thing a feeling deep within and if you believe in love free up your mind, let this flow within because as early as the morning star I am giving thanks for this lovely thing." If those words sound familiar, it's simply because they are. Those are the lyrics of the sensational Jamaican musical artist Reanno Devan Gordon, popularly known by his stage name Busy Signal and the song is called Comfort zone. Reggae, riddim, and roots (I have honestly never gotten the difference) enthusiasts this is your time to shine.  But one thing I am certain and we can even bet is that you all didn't know his official name. So, thank me later.

Do you believe in love? Love is arguably one of the strongest feelings in the world. To me, it represents a connection, a deep and precise feeling of belonging and safety. To say I believe in the truth and genuineness of Love would be an understatement. However, as with all things in life, there's nothing like a one-sided coin. You have your toxic trait just as much as you have your attractive side and Love is no different.

Being a science student, I got the bragging rights to say that it is definitely beyond the sphere of chemistry and physics to comprehend all the insane things that have happened in the name of love. Remember the classical tragedy, Romeo and Juliet? It's so unfortunate that those two love birds sacrificed their life for love. Though it's fictional it still depicts some of the things that happen in today's society. If you are not familiar with Romeo and Juliet, I hope you are at least conversant with the captivating love story of the fictional characters Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukater of the Titanic. In my opinion, it was one of a kind romantic movie of our generation and to date, it has got some memorable lessons on love. If you haven't watched it, you need to.

Disclaimer right up front. Before reading any further I would like to warn you that my perception might differ from yours either partly or wholly. Or I might say some things that may not resonate well with you. By now I hope you are all aware that you don't need to be clever or acquire a degree or any unique talents or abilities to fall in love. The real challenge is in staying in love. Love can get ugly sometimes. If you are reading this, I expect that at this age you are old enough to have loved someone and lost them. Not to death, but to other things. One phenomenal example is having an ex. I'm going to put this out there and hope my mum doesn't read it. I have an ex and I'm sure most if not all of you do as well. And I'm gonna say this as a matter of fact, without fear of contradiction, having an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend and going through a heartbreak is a rite of passage. In fact, it’s a necessity. If you've not experienced it, brace yourself for it's coming sooner or later. Relax, it was on a light note but if it happens don't call me a fortune teller or worse brand me a prophet of doom. I wish you well in your current relationship. Hey, don't think I take pride in heartbreaks. I have faithfully had my fair share of heartbreaks. So, trust me when I tell you that that shit is bitter. You can all concur with me that heartbreak isn't fun.

The truth is that a lot of heartbreaks come at a huge emotional cost and most of us are never ready to bear the price that it comes with. We all handle heartbreaks differently, from drinking to talking about it to listening to those sad songs but also, some decide to commit suicide or kill their partner. It’s messy sometimes.

I mean look no further, it is not uncommon to watch the news today and see how people kill one another 'in the name of love. Dear ones, I'm just here to tell you, how you handle such disappointments in life matters, especially for a generation with such fragile hearts as ours.

Talk to your boys, talk to your girls, cry if you can, listen to those heartbreak songs and if you're in a position to seek therapy, please do. Breaking up may be the end of a relationship but as with every end, comes a fresh start. So, Friends and family let not ending your life or another's an option for you.

Due to my moral conviction, I cannot pen this and conclude without talking about toxic relationships. I’ve heard of them from friends and for you, you've either experienced them firsthand or heard about them too. We've been brought up to believe in happy endings, you know meeting your prince charming and your one and only Cinderella whom you will live happily ever after, only to find out it’s all chaos and troubles in paradise. They don't talk about the insecurities that go into a relationship, they don't tell you things could get toxic at some point and if you don't recognize them when they do, you’re going down a deep dark rabbit hole sinking deeper into a quagmire of a toxic relationship. They don't tell you how hard it is to leave your toxic partner.

So, what then do you and I do when we find ourselves in situations like these? Whom do you consult when your relationship looks happy on the outside but the nights get longer by day? What do you do when you have an abusive(physical just as much as emotional) partner? First, evaluate if your relationship is worth saving. That is if you or your partner shows an initiative in changing for the better. Second, take an assessment and evaluate yourself, what you want in the future, and if this relationship is helping you accomplish that (Happiness should be a priority). And a bonus tip: I can highly recommend you to listen to my all-time favorite good times and great hits, classic 105 to the one and only love doctor; a relationship connoisseur, and let me tell you( I am tempted to add Maina), he’s got some nuggets of wisdom on the realm of relationships.

Allow me to talk about a topic that society has not only shied from but has also shunned away from. With talking about this, I am not taking away from the fact that women do indeed experience

physical just as much as emotional abuse and society have been very vocal about it over the past couple of years. I am a man, and I do consider myself a male activist. I do think the boy child has been left behind when it comes to societal interventions in issues concerning them and so when I say men are being abused, you may stop and ask, aje sasa?

I'm sure you've heard of cases where women become pregnant to trap a man and although uncommon, women do indeed physically assault men. These are just but a few issues that we face today and many cases go unreported. Why? you might ask. This is because society has epitomized a man as a figure of strength,

unbreakable and this has made many men shy away from reporting such cases. I think it is about time we stood together to confront these issues. So, fellow men, it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to speak up when a relationship becomes financially draining for you. After all, relationships are supposed to be partnerships. For those of us in our 20s, I don't think it's reasonable for you to assume the role of a financial sustainer to Ladies. This is your time to invest in yourself, buy that shoe you want so much, go out with 'the boys' na hii tabia ya kutuma fare halafu wanakula tuache sasa acha akuje halafu utarudisha. When things get bad or ugly, talk to your so-called 'big boys' with whom you always bam-bam and chill with. I'm sure they'll have some wisdom to share.

To you, yes you, don’t ignore the red flags. Don't tolerate unhappy relationships. That shit ain't healthy at all. Your mental health is of immense importance. Don't hang on in there 'till you become a statistic. Please don't stick to the old misleading cliche that 'pain makes you stronger' or 'mapenzi ni kuvumilia'. If you believe and subscribe to that school of thought, I can honestly guarantee you that you are one step ahead to becoming a statistic. However, I am not telling you to walk out of every relationship when there's a challenge. I am aware that there will always be turbulence in relationships but just be wise.

If you have read this far, I really hope that you are taken. Not for granted though or by surprise. I mean TAKEN and you are happy in your relationship. If you are yet to be taken and you really want to be in a relationship keep looking and don't settle. Just as the Apple co-founder and technology visionary, the legendary Steve Jobs once said in his famous 2005 Stanford university Comment speech " If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you will know when you find it. And like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on." Remember there is always someone for everyone.

You guys didn't think I was gonna talk about Love and not talk about cheating right? This is Kenya but mainly coz I consider myself a Nairobian. I mean, super gonorrhea would not exist if you all just had one partner. The recently released report by the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics on 17th of January 2023 has really put some figures into perspective and those numbers are bananas. Call it a cheating nation if you like. Just take time and go through the comprehensive and in-depth research done by KNBS and trust me, you will be perplexed.

So don't act surprised when Spotify wraps up the year in early December only to find out that you were the most ‘played’ person of the year. It's like cheating has become part and parcel of this generation's relationships. People are having fun out here and breaking their partners’ trust all in the name of sharing is caring. Let me point out, I am not the kind of person who sits on a high horse and says if your partner chooses to get honey from somewhere else other than your beehive you should walk out. In any case, it's up to you to decide. You have got the final say in your relationship.

However, I do think cheating is an outright lack of self-control for both men and women and cowardice as a result of couples not being able to have hard conversations about what needs of theirs is not being met in a partnership. But hey, that's just my opinion.

I do know it is the month of Love and I cannot be the one to dampen Valentine’s Day with these sad stories. So, to my boys, what are you thinking of getting your ladies this Valentine’s Day? In case you've not yet decided, I may have a few ideas. I am sure you are probably planning to buy your lover some flowers, but just as the late industrialist Chris Kirubi once tweeted, “Why buy flowers that will wither in a few days, plant a garden that will endure seasons” Instead of buying her chocolates, go the extra mile and take her for a trip to Birmingham England to the famous Cadbury World and let her have an amazing, fun chocolate day trip. Pause for a moment. I know deep down what you have just read is pure fantasy. It was just a way of telling you to raise the bar higher. So don't use it as an excuse not to gift your sweet pie some flowers and chocolates.

Personally, I got my ticket ready to attend the much-anticipated men's conference.

It has been a long write, and let me congratulate you for reaching this far. But all in all, love yourself because we cannot give what we do not have. Loving yourself means valuing who you are and how you spend your time. Do not let anyone tell you you're not good enough. Choose to be your own best friend because, at the end of the day, we are all we got.

In the meantime, let me sing along to the number one billboard hit song on Valentine's (according to me) by the hilarious Kabusa Oriental choir, "Valentine is coming, where is your boyfriend.?"Happy Valentine’s guys.

Live and let live. Adiós.